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Vera Kirilă

Vera Kirilă

Funeral arranger at Funero

Vera supports families through the practical and the emotional sides of arranging a funeral or a repatriation. She takes each family through it step by step, and makes sure no question goes unanswered.

Direct cremation 3 min read

Visiting a chapel of rest: what to expect

What a chapel of rest is and what a viewing is like: how your loved one will look, what you can do, taking someone with you, children, and hospitals.

Grief and support 4 min read

What to write in a sympathy card, and what to leave out

What to write in a sympathy card or condolence message: what to say, phrases to avoid, a colleague, a late card, and example lines to start from.

Reading 3 min read

Five books on grief: memoirs, a classic and a guide

Five books on grief that readers and counsellors return to: Didion, C.S. Lewis, Kübler-Ross and Kessler, and two more, with a note on each.

Reading 3 min read

Famadihana in Madagascar: the turning of the bones

Famadihana, the Malagasy turning of the bones: what the ceremony is, why the Merina people keep it, the family tomb, the silk and the dancing.

Reading 3 min read

Alternatives to burial, and which exist in the UK today

Alternatives to burial in the UK: natural burial, burial at sea, water cremation, human composting and more. What each is, which exist, and the cost.

Grief and support 3 min read

Should children go to the funeral, and how to prepare them

Should children go to the funeral: usually yes, if they want to and are prepared. What charities advise, how to prepare a child, and if they say no.

Reading 3 min read

Ten films about grief and loss, and what each gets right

Ten films about grief and loss, from Manchester by the Sea to Up: what each gets right about bereavement, and which to watch on which evening.

Grief and support 4 min read

Grieving far from home, when the funeral was abroad

Grieving far from home, when the funeral was abroad: missing the funeral, the rituals you cannot keep, no one who knew them, and what helps.

Grief and support 4 min read

How to support someone who is grieving: practical help

How to support someone who is grieving: what to do in the first fortnight and the months after, how to offer so it is accepted, and what to avoid.

Grief and support 4 min read

Planning a memorial service after a direct cremation

Planning a memorial service after a direct cremation: what it contains, where to hold it, the ashes, whether you need a celebrant, and the size.

Reading 3 min read

Tibetan funeral traditions: the sky burial explained

Tibetan funeral traditions: what a sky burial is and why it is practised, the Buddhist teaching behind it, the rites around it, and Tibet's other funerals.

Reading 3 min read

Día de los Muertos in Mexico, and what each part means

Día de los Muertos, Mexico's Day of the Dead: its Aztec and Catholic roots, the ofrenda, marigolds and sugar skulls, and why joy shares the day.

Reading 3 min read

Funeral traditions in Asia: Hindu, Chinese and Korean

Funeral traditions in Asia: Hindu cremation and the Ganges, Chinese funerals and ancestor veneration, the Korean jesa, and beliefs about rebirth.

Grief and support 4 min read

Saying goodbye when there is no funeral to attend

Saying goodbye with no funeral to attend, after a direct cremation or a funeral abroad: the viewing, the hour you hold yourself, and the memorial.

Grief and support 4 min read

When a death is expected: what you can arrange in advance

When a death is expected: what you can arrange, the conversations worth having, the funeral and paperwork you can settle, and what must wait.

Reading 3 min read

Funeral traditions in Africa: Ghana, Egypt and Madagascar

Funeral traditions in Africa: the Ghanaian funeral and its fantasy coffins, Egyptian burial from the pharaohs to Islam, and the beliefs about ancestors.

Grief and support 4 min read

Grief at Christmas and on the first anniversaries

Grief at Christmas and on the first anniversaries: why days with a date are hardest, why dread is worse than the day, and the decision that helps.

Grief and support 4 min read

Funeral etiquette in the UK: what to wear and what to say

Funeral etiquette in the UK: what to wear, flowers or a donation, arriving and sitting, what to say at the door, the wake, and what changes by faith.

Grief and support 4 min read

How grief affects your body, and when to see a doctor

How grief affects your body: the stress response, broken sleep, appetite, aches and chest pain, what is normal, and what needs a doctor.

Grief and support 4 min read

What is bereavement, and what support are you entitled to

What bereavement means, and your entitlements in the UK: Bereavement Support Payment and its deadline, bereavement leave, and other help.

Grief and support 3 min read

The weeks after the funeral: what helps and what can wait

What happens after a funeral: the morning after, the practical things, the one deadline in the paperwork, the silence once everyone has gone.

Grief and support 4 min read

Telling a child that someone has died, at every age

How to tell a child someone has died: today, in plain words, by age from under five to teens, what each understands, and what children need after.

Grief and support 4 min read

When to get bereavement counselling, and where in the UK

When to get bereavement counselling and where to find it in the UK: the sign, your GP, Cruse, Sue Ryder, NHS talking therapies and crisis lines.

Grief and support 4 min read

What to say when someone dies, and what not to say

What to say when someone dies, in person, by message or in a card: the three things that always work, the six phrases that land badly, and why.

Grief and support 8 min read

Coping with grief in the first weeks: what helps

How to cope with grief in the first weeks after a death: what is normal, what helps, what to avoid, whether the stages apply, and when to get help.

Grief and support 3 min read

Is it normal to feel relief, or nothing at all?

Is it normal to feel relief, or nothing, when someone dies: yes. Why relief follows a long illness, why numbness follows any death, and the shame.

Grief and support 3 min read

The stages of grief, and why yours will not follow the list

The stages of grief: the five, the seven, where they came from in 1969, why they were never a timetable, and what services describe instead.

Grief and support 4 min read

How long does grief last? The first year, month by month

How long grief lasts: there is no timetable, but there is a shape. The first weeks and months, the six-month question, the first year's anniversaries.

Reading 3 min read

Ten quotes about grief and loss, with a note on each

Ten quotes about grief and loss for a card, an order of service or a hard evening, each with a note on what it means and why people return to it.

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Tell us where your loved one is and we will tell you what happens next, and what it costs.

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