Losing a loved one is an inevitable part of life, and for children, understanding and managing their emotions during this time can be particularly challenging. As adults, our responsibility is to give them the support and guidance they need to work through their feelings in a healthy way.
There is no single right approach — but there are some principles that consistently help children navigate the different stages of grief.
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At a glance
What it covers
Practical ways adults can help children process grief, from open conversations to creative outlets and professional support.
Who it's for
Parents, carers, and family members supporting a bereaved child of any age.
Key takeaway
Children need honest, age-appropriate honesty and a safe space to express their feelings — not silence or euphemisms.
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Encourage open conversations
Avoiding discussions about the loss does not make the pain disappear. Silence can deepen suffering and leave children feeling isolated. The stages of grief involve a wide range of emotions — anger, sadness, confusion, guilt — and children need to feel safe expressing all of them.
Create a judgment-free space where they feel comfortable sharing feelings and asking questions. When they come to you, encourage them to talk about their memories, fears, and uncertainties. Listening with empathy reassures them that their feelings are valid.
Be honest in an age-appropriate way
When talking to a child about the death of a loved one, honesty matters — but so does the language you use. Avoid phrases like "they went on a trip" or "they went to sleep forever". Children take things literally, and such expressions can create genuine fear — of sleep, of journeys, of separation. Use clear, direct words instead.
Reassure them that they can always return to you with new questions as they continue to process their grief and make sense of the different stages they may experience.
Use books, films, and stories
Imagination plays a key role in how children understand the world. Stories and films that address grief and loss can help them develop a deeper understanding in a safe, fictional frame. Some examples that families have found helpful:
- Films: Up (2009), Soul (2020)
- Books for ages 3–7: The Invisible String by Patrice Karst
- Books for ages 7–12: Where Do Dreams Go?
- For teenagers: The Last Leaf by O. Henry
After reading or watching together, ask open-ended questions. Help them connect the story to their own experience and feelings, allowing them to express themselves in their own words.
Play and creative activities as emotional outlets
Children often express emotions through play and creativity rather than words. Encourage drawing, painting, or other creative activities that give their feelings an outward form. You can do these activities together and use them to start a gentle conversation about what they wanted to express.
Play can also be a form of therapy — helping children act out emotions and process thoughts in a safe, imaginative space.
Know when to seek professional support
Grief is a natural process, but some children may struggle with overwhelming or prolonged emotions. If you notice persistent distress, significant behavioural changes, difficulty at school, or withdrawal from friends, consider seeking professional support from a bereavement counsellor or child psychologist. Always involve the child in this decision so they feel respected, not pushed.
Frequently asked questions
How do children's grief reactions differ by age?
Younger children (under 5) may not fully understand death as permanent and may ask the same questions repeatedly. Primary-school-age children tend to want concrete facts. Teenagers may oscillate between intense emotion and apparent indifference. Adjust your approach to match where the child is developmentally.
Should children attend the funeral?
Most bereavement specialists say yes, if the child wants to and is prepared in advance. Attending can give children a sense of closure and help them understand the finality of death. Always explain what will happen before you go.
How long does grief last for children?
There is no set timeline. Some children seem to bounce back quickly and then revisit grief at developmental milestones (birthdays, school transitions). Others need ongoing support. Patience and consistency matter more than speed.
Each child is unique, and grief looks different for everyone. The most important thing is to be present — offering patience, love, and the reassurance that they are not alone. You might also find these articles helpful: how to help your children navigate grief and loss and the 7 stages of grief.
