Grief is not something you move on from — it is something you learn to carry. At some point in our lives, most of us will experience the loss of someone we love deeply, and the emotions that follow can feel overwhelming and impossible to manage. Understanding grief as a long-term companion, rather than a temporary obstacle, can help you navigate it with more patience towards yourself.
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At a glance
What it covers
How to approach grief as a lifelong process rather than a problem to be fixed or a stage to pass through.
Who it's for
Anyone who has lost a loved one, or who is supporting someone who is grieving.
Key takeaway
Grief does not disappear with time — but with care and support, you learn to move forward while carrying it.
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Why you cannot simply "move on"
The phrase "move on" is often used after loss, but it misunderstands what grief actually is. When someone we love dies, the memories we shared with them do not disappear — they remain present, woven into who we are. Expecting yourself to set those aside and return to normal is an unfair standard that adds guilt to an already painful experience.
Allowing yourself to carry those memories is not denial. It is a recognition that the person mattered, that they shaped you, and that you choose to keep them present in your life in a different form. Moving forward does not require forgetting — it requires finding a way to live with both the loss and the love.
Give yourself permission to feel
Grief rarely arrives as a single, clean emotion. It comes in waves — sadness, anger, relief, joy at a memory, guilt for feeling that joy. All of these are normal. Trying to suppress or speed through your feelings often prolongs the pain rather than reducing it.
Be gentle with yourself. There is no schedule for grief, and there is no correct way to grieve. Avoid putting pressure on yourself to recover by a particular milestone or to feel a particular way.
Finding joy again
One of the hardest things for grieving people to accept is that happiness will return — and that this is allowed. Feeling joy does not mean you have forgotten your loved one or that the loss mattered less. It means you are still living, and that is exactly what those who loved you would want.
Start by giving yourself permission to talk about the good memories: the funny moments, the things they were proud of, the way they made you feel. These conversations keep a person present in the lives of those who loved them.
For further reading, our article on how to find joy in mourning explores this theme more deeply.
How to support someone who is grieving
If someone you care about has experienced a loss, it can be hard to know what to say. The most important thing is usually just to be present — to show up, listen, and resist the urge to fix or minimise the pain. Phrases like "they are in a better place" or "time heals everything" are well-intentioned but can feel dismissive.
Instead, acknowledge the loss directly. Ask about the person who has died — people who are grieving often want to talk about them. Practical help (cooking a meal, offering a lift, handling an errand) can be more meaningful than words.
See also: the dos and don'ts of supporting someone who is grieving and how we can help those who are grieving.
When to seek professional support
Most grief is a normal, healthy response to loss — not a medical condition. But if your grief is significantly interfering with your ability to function after several months, or if you are experiencing thoughts of self-harm, speaking to your GP or a grief counsellor is an important step.
Cruse Bereavement Support offers free, confidential support across the UK. They can be reached via their national helpline or through a local Cruse branch.
