Grief is deeply personal, and no two people experience it in the same way. Whether you are navigating your own loss or trying to support someone you love, knowing what helps — and what can inadvertently cause harm — makes a real difference.
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At a glance
What it covers
Practical do's and don'ts for navigating grief — whether your own or someone else's.
Who it's for
Anyone who is grieving, or who wants to offer meaningful support to a bereaved friend or family member.
Key takeaway
There is no fixed timeline for grief. Presence and patience matter far more than having the right words.
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Understanding what grief really looks like
Grief rarely follows a straight path. Sadness, confusion, anger, guilt, and even relief can surface — sometimes all at once, sometimes long after the loss. Emotions may re-emerge unexpectedly, triggered by a smell, a song, or a date on the calendar.
Partners and close family members often face particular challenges: adjusting to a changed home, encountering reminders everywhere, and rebuilding a sense of daily life. Sleep disturbances, difficulty concentrating, and a feeling of the person's presence are all common and normal responses to loss. Understanding this makes it easier both to grieve healthily and to support others doing the same.
The don'ts — what to avoid
Don't suppress your feelings. Bottling up grief delays healing. It is healthier — though sometimes harder — to let yourself feel what you feel, even when it is painful.
Don't rush a funeral or major decisions. Unless cultural practice requires speed, take the time you need to plan thoughtfully. Avoid making significant life changes — moving home, changing jobs — while emotions are still raw and judgment is clouded.
Don't neglect your physical health. Grief is physically draining. Sleep, nutrition, and gentle movement matter even when motivation is low.
Don't let others impose a timeline on you. There is no normal duration for grief. Well-meaning comments about 'moving on' can be harmful — you are entitled to grieve at your own pace.
Don't make rushed financial or legal commitments. Read anything you are asked to sign carefully. If possible, get independent advice before agreeing to significant changes in the immediate weeks after a bereavement.
The do's — what genuinely helps
Do express your emotions. Talking, journalling, or creating — art, music, writing — can all help you process and release difficult feelings.
Do seek trusted support. Family, close friends, and bereavement support groups all offer different kinds of comfort. Sometimes being heard is enough. Cruse Bereavement Care offers free confidential support at cruse.org.uk.
Do reach out for professional help if you need it. Your GP can signpost counselling, and many hospices and charities offer free bereavement support. There is no threshold of loss that has to be crossed before professional help is appropriate.
Do take care of yourself. Adequate sleep, regular meals, and time for recovery are not self-indulgent — they are necessary.
Do maintain connections. Loved ones often want to help but are uncertain how. A direct request — 'can you come with me to the shops' or 'can we talk this evening' — makes it easier for them to offer the right support.
Do plan ahead, gently. Having something small to look forward to — a walk, a visit, a film — can provide anchoring without pressure.
When you are supporting someone else
If you are the one offering support, the most important thing you can give is consistent, unhurried presence. You do not need to have answers or fix anything. Listening without judgement, checking in regularly (not just in the first week), and offering practical help — a meal, a lift, accompanying someone to an appointment — can mean more than any words.
Avoid phrases that minimise the loss ('at least they had a long life', 'they would have wanted you to be happy'). Instead, acknowledge the pain directly: 'I'm so sorry. I'm here.'
For more on supporting children through bereavement, see how to help your children navigate grief and loss. For guidance on what grief can do to the body, visit how grief affects your body.
Moving forward
In time, the acute weight of grief usually eases. New experiences gradually make space alongside the grief, rather than replacing it. Coping with grief is not about forgetting — it is about learning to carry the loss alongside a continuing life. Be patient with yourself and with others, and do not hesitate to ask for help.
