Coping with grief during the holidays is hard. Whether it is your first Christmas without someone or your twelfth, the season has a way of sharpening absence. Traditions that once felt joyful can now feel hollow, and the expectation to be festive can sit heavily alongside real sadness.
There is no single right way through it. But there are strategies that may make things a little more bearable.
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At a glance
What it covers
Practical and emotional strategies for navigating grief during the Christmas and holiday season.
Who it's for
Anyone who has experienced a bereavement and is approaching the holidays with dread, uncertainty, or sadness.
Key takeaway
You do not have to perform joy. Adjusting, withdrawing, or doing things differently is not failure — it is self-compassion.
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Acknowledge what you are feeling
Give yourself permission to feel exactly as you do — sad, angry, relieved, or simply numb. Grief does not pause for Christmas, and suppressing it rarely helps. The people who care about you will not need you to pretend otherwise. It is okay to cry. It is okay not to feel festive. And it is okay to let those around you know.
Give yourself permission to change things
You are under no obligation to recreate last year's celebrations. If an old tradition now feels too painful, it can be altered, skipped, or replaced with something new. Some families choose to create small new rituals — a particular walk, a different meal, a way of marking the day that feels liveable rather than performative.
Reach out to people who understand
Sharing your feelings with friends or family can be genuinely helpful. So can connecting with others who are going through something similar — either through a grief support group in person or online. Organisations like Cruse Bereavement Support offer free, confidential support throughout the year, including at Christmas.
Set realistic expectations for yourself
The holidays may simply be difficult this year. Accepting that is not weakness — it is clarity. Scale back on commitments where you can. Decline invitations that feel like too much. You do not need to perform wellness for anyone else's benefit.
Plan ahead where it helps
Having a loose plan for the day can reduce anxiety. Decide in advance whether you want to be with people or have quiet time, and communicate that clearly to those around you. Making plans with people who truly understand your loss — people who knew and loved the person you are missing — can feel connecting in a way that larger gatherings may not.
Take care of your body
Grief is physically exhausting. Disrupted sleep, reduced appetite, and low energy are common. During the holidays, try to eat and rest as well as you reasonably can. Fresh air and gentle movement — even a short walk — can help process what you are holding. If it all feels like too much, rest is valid too.
Honour the person you have lost
Finding a way to mark their absence — lighting a candle, leaving a seat, writing something, donating to a cause they cared about — can feel meaningful rather than morbid. It acknowledges that they were here, and that they mattered. You might also find comfort in our piece on the stages of grief and what to expect as time passes.
Be gentle with yourself
Grief is not linear, and the holidays will not necessarily get easier at the same pace as everything else. Some years will be harder than others. Give yourself the same patience and kindness you would give to anyone else going through this.
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal for grief to feel worse at Christmas?
Very much so. The holidays are saturated with memory and expectation, which can intensify loss. Many bereaved people find that the lead-up to Christmas is harder than the day itself.
Should I push through and attend everything as normal?
Only if it genuinely feels manageable. There is no therapeutic benefit in forcing yourself through events that feel unbearable. Selective participation — showing up where it helps and declining where it does not — is entirely reasonable.
When should I seek professional support?
If grief is significantly affecting your ability to function — sleep, eat, work, care for yourself or others — speaking with a GP or a grief counsellor is worth doing. You can also contact Cruse Bereavement Support or the NHS bereavement guidance for a starting point.
