Is a direct cremation right for us? Six questions to ask

Whether a direct cremation is a good idea depends entirely on the family, and families who decide it on price alone are the ones who regret it in either direction. These six questions are what we ask on the phone when a family rings unsure. Answered honestly, together, they settle it, and the decision then holds.

1. Did the person say what they wanted?

If your loved one said, in a will or in conversation, that they wanted no funeral, no fuss, nothing spent, then the question is largely answered, and honouring it is nearly always right. If they said they wanted a proper send-off, a church, a particular hymn, that is answered too, the other way. If they said nothing, the remaining five questions are yours.

2. Who needs to say goodbye, and where are they?

Count the people for whom being present matters, and where they live. A family of six in one town can gather any time. A family across three countries, or one whose closest people are elderly and cannot travel, often finds that a crematorium slot nine days after the death excludes exactly the people who most need to be there, and that a memorial held later, with the ashes, includes them. Why families choose direct cremation has this reason in families’ own words.

3. What kind of goodbye do you want to hold?

A traditional funeral gives you a set form: the coffin present, a service of twenty to thirty minutes, a committal, and the wake. A direct cremation gives you none of that and all the freedom instead: a gathering in a garden, a church, a pub, a front room, on a hillside or a beach, with the ashes present or not, on any day, at any length. Some families want the form and are steadied by it. Some find it hollow and want to make their own. Be honest about which you are. Planning a memorial service after a direct cremation shows what the second looks like.

4. Does anyone need to be there when it happens?

This is the one that decides it alone. At a direct cremation no one from the family is present at the crematorium; the cremation happens on the crematorium’s schedule and you are told afterwards. For many families that is simply not the part that matters. For some, one person needs to be in the room when the coffin goes, and if that is true of anyone in your family, a direct cremation is wrong for you, whatever it costs. Can you attend a direct cremation draws the line precisely, including the viewing at the chapel of rest, which is the one thing you can add.

5. Does the faith have a view?

Most Christian denominations, humanists and people of no faith have no rule that a direct cremation breaks. Hinduism and Sikhism require cremation and usually want the family present, which points to an attended one. Islam and Orthodox Judaism require burial and rule cremation out altogether. Orthodox Christianity traditionally prefers burial and an open coffin at the church. If your family belongs to a tradition with a view, ask its leader before you ask anything else; what different faiths say about cremation is a starting point.

6. What can the family afford, and what would the person have thought about that?

Last, deliberately. A direct cremation is £1,295 with us and a basic traditional funeral is over £4,000 on average, and the difference is real money for most families. If the honest answer to the first five questions is a traditional funeral and the honest answer to this one is that it would mean debt, say so out loud, because the person who died would almost certainly rather be remembered in a garden than have their family borrow for a hearse. How much does a direct cremation cost and how much does a funeral cost in the UK have the figures to put beside each other.

Reading the answers

If question 1 answered it, follow it. If question 4 said someone needs to be there, that is your answer and it is not a direct cremation. Otherwise, if questions 2 and 3 point to a gathering of your own making, and question 5 does not object, a direct cremation is right for you and question 6 is a relief rather than a reason. Direct cremation or a traditional funeral sets the two side by side if you want to see the whole of each before you decide, and direct cremation step by step shows exactly what you would be agreeing to.