Can you attend a direct cremation? What you can choose

A direct cremation is a cremation without a service and without anyone from the family present at the crematorium. That is the definition, and it is what makes the price what it is. Families sometimes read that and assume it means they have no say in anything and will never see their loved one again. Neither is true, and this guide draws the line exactly where it sits.

What is not possible

You cannot attend the cremation. There is no service at the crematorium, no chapel booking, no mourners, and no one from the family present when the coffin is committed. The cremation happens on a day the crematorium sets, within its own schedule, and we tell you afterwards that it has taken place. That is true of a direct cremation from anyone, whatever the website suggests, and a company that offers “attendance at the committal” for a direct cremation is selling a different product under the same name.

You cannot choose the exact time. You can ask for a day, and crematoria will try, but a direct cremation is booked into the crematorium’s schedule rather than into a service slot.

What you can do before it

You can see your loved one. A viewing is an hour with the coffin at our chapel of rest, in London or in Nottinghamshire, for the immediate family, before the cremation. It is the one thing you can add to a direct cremation, it costs £150, and it exists precisely so that a family who want to say goodbye in person can. It is at the chapel of rest and not at the crematorium, and it is a viewing, not a service; there is no celebrant, no music and no formal order, though you may bring what you wish and stay the hour. Saying goodbye when there is no funeral to attend is written for the family deciding whether to take it.

The three decisions that are yours

The coffin. A simple coffin suitable for cremation is included. If the family wants a particular one, it can be arranged, and it is the one line that adds to the £1,295.

What goes with them. Small personal items can go in the coffin, subject to the crematorium’s rules, which exclude anything that cannot be cremated. Ask us; most things families want to include are fine.

The urn, and what happens to the ashes. The ashes come back to you in a container or an urn of your choosing, and what you do with them, and when, is entirely yours. Choosing an urn and what to do with the ashes cover both.

What you can do afterwards

Anything. This is the part families underestimate. With the ashes returned, the family can hold a memorial in a garden, a church, a pub, a front room or on a hillside, with everyone who could not have made a weekday morning at a crematorium, at a time when the shock has passed and people can actually be present. Many families say afterwards that this was the better goodbye. Planning a memorial service after a direct cremation is the guide for that day.

If attending matters to you

Then say so, and do not choose a direct cremation to save money. A cremation with a short service at the crematorium, attended by the family, is a different arrangement at a different price, and a local funeral director arranges it. We arrange direct cremations only. The families who regret a direct cremation are not the ones who chose it because it suited them; they are the ones who chose it because it was cheaper and then found that being there had mattered. Is a direct cremation right for us is six questions for settling that before you decide.

The whole process, for the record

Direct cremation step by step follows everything from the first call to the ashes, so you can see exactly where the viewing sits and where the cremation happens without you.