Wake

A wake is the gathering after a funeral, where family and friends eat, drink and talk about the person who has died. In the UK it is usually held at a pub, a hall, a hotel or the family's home, straight after the service.

The word originally meant the vigil held over the coffin before the funeral, and in Ireland and in some communities it still means that: a night or more with the person at home, with visitors coming to pay their respects. Ask which is meant if you are invited to one.

A wake needs no formal arrangement and no funeral director. Families who choose a direct cremation often hold one on the day of the cremation or when the ashes come home, in place of a service.

Whether to go

At most British funerals everyone at the service is invited to the wake. If you can, stay for at least an hour. The wake is where the family hears the stories about the person, and guests who leave straight after the service are missed. Eat, talk to people you do not know, and leave when it feels right.

Food and drink

What is served matters less than there being something, so that people stay. It can be the person's favourite food, sandwiches from the hall's kitchen or a cake, and asking each guest to bring a dish means the catering is done.

Other traditions

In a Jewish family the mourners sit shiva at home after the funeral, and visits are welcome. A gathering held weeks or months later is closer to a memorial service.

Read next

What to wear, what to bring and what to say is in funeral etiquette in the UK. A gathering held later, after a direct cremation, is a memorial: read planning a memorial service. What to say to the family is in what to say when someone dies.

Related terms: Funeral procession and Eulogy. Every term in the funeral glossary.